Sorry for the lack of blog posts this week. This week has had a few challenges.
I can't remember if it was either Monday or Tuesday morning that I woke up and found my birdie Hope on the bottom of the floor. Hope---the most tame of the two, the one that molted and that changed to having all of these yellow patches on her after I had prayed asking God for a yellow bird, and the one that has brought me nothing but sweet companionship and comfort when there were other hard times in my life these past ten months. Out of all of the cockatiels I have had---I have bonded with, and honestly loved her the most.
She had been starting to get sick about a month ago hen I took her to Maria--the lady and my friend that I bought her from. I had tried a medicine that she recommended and thought it had worked.
So on that day it got crazy-I snapped into action--I took pictures of Hope and Grace together and took this video of me with her--trying to think of memories and all that I wanted before things possibly "got worse."
Here is a photo of her yellow patches.
Here is the last picture of them both together :( --not great quality, but it is so cute! I love it!
A few more pictures: (yes, Hope was outside for these-cool huh!)
The next day, she was still quite alive so I took her to the vet----they said she had a cold and was curable--gave me medicine--told me to hand feed her and I went running around stores buying some things----and began the hand-feeding process.
And somewhere along the way that intense agonizing decision became a burden--you know the decision about "oh no! I'm gonna have to put her down," and "I don't want to do it too soon-how will I know it is time?" and "Lord, I just don't want to have to do this!" The emotional intensity of it all was incredible--My previous birds had always died instantly without suffering for a week. In the midst of it all I was trying to remain very calm (not cry out loud), because I didn't want Olga knowing I was upset---I think when I am upset it is challenging for her.
But I am amazed--amazed that God allowed the perfect times when I needed to "deal with it," Olga would just leave the house at the exact moment to go do something. I saw God's hand all over this in ways that meant the world to me---and God even provided someone from my sending church who ministered to me in the perfect way----and really deeply understood.
One of the things that God did is that yesterday on Friday, my supervisor told me I could work from home. Yesterday morning when I had fed Hope, she ate a lot and all of the sudden got tons of energy and then proceeded to climb up onto my shoulder and stayed there for several hours (and this was when she could no longer climb up to the perches)! If I would have had to go to work at the office, I would have missed that precious time with her--God is so good! Another thing is that someone had told me it was "time to say goodbye" on Thursday, but if I would have "put her down" then I would have missed yesterday also. At the same time while all of this was going on yesterday, I was amazingly able to concentrate enough to finish a huge project for my supervisor that I had been intending to get to her earlier this week.
What started out as a prayer of "God, anything is possible with you--you can heal my bird" was over the week changed to, "God show me when it's time." And He did exactly that. The time was this morning--and it was just unmistakeable that by putting her down I was doing the right thing that was the best for her.
I haven't buried her yet--partly because Olga has too many plants planted right now---so I am going to have to do that--not sure where yet.
I just wanted to thank the handful of people that knew about this for your prayers that lifted me up this past week-there were moments of amazing peace in the midst of it that weren't due to anything changing in the circumstances--but to God's presence with me in a very tangible close way.
My other bird, Grace is soo quiet this morning--but he let me hold him for quite awhile (that doesn't happen very often)
Lord-thank you for giving me Hope--so properly named. We were just seven weeks short of having our one year celebration together---but the last ten months with her were an amazing gift from you-thank you so much! I wouldn't exchange those ten months for anything.
(the flower I just decided to bury Hope by)