Proverbs 14:10 says, "Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy."
I think this post is a continuation of a statement that I made in the "Surrender" post, which was, "As I have surrendered this whole healing process to the Lord, I must say I have stood in amazement as I have seen how He has intricately and so beautifully orchestrated each step of it, like I NEVER COULD HAVE DONE!!! He has truly provided for the deepest needs of my heart in the midst of it all...."
I guess what I want to say is just more of a praise report! I can't explain all that has happened within me-it has truly been the Lord's working on the inside of me!! I want to say that it isn't just the realization that, like the re-quoted part above, that the healing process itself has been so intricately woven. There is MORE TO IT ALL---IT IS A REALIZATION ABOUT MY ENTIRE LIFE AS A WHOLE!! What I now can see very clearly as a result of carefully looking through my life, taking account of the good and the hard times that have happened, is that all of it has been guided by God's hand, even before I truly understood His never-ending, perfect love for me, and ALL that HIS LOVE means. It all just makes everything even more clear to me that GOD DOES NOT WASTE ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES---HE WANTS TO USE IT ALL IF WE ALLOW HIM TO DO SO. The joy, as the Proverb says is something that everyone else can rejoice in, It just makes me totally desire that you would be able completely share in in the practical and real sense of the experience that I am personally living out--and yet I know that it is my walk with God and experience with Him, and that your walk with God is personal to you and is your own. Yet, I plan to share that joy with you as much as possible!
However, while the joy, the peace with God, and the peace with myself are so precious in experience and in their truth to the extent that NO WORDS COULD EVER DESCRIBE THEM, there is another part of the Proverb. "Each heart knows its own bitterness." I think of that knowing in the sense of also being intimately acquainted with it, just as we are with the peace and joy. as I have said in previous posts, everything mixes together as an offering of worship to God! And I say this as the truth, as a matter of prayer for you. DO NOT FEEL SORRY FOR ME BY ANY MEANS!!! YOU ARE ALL INVITED TO THE PARTY OF CELEBRATION, AND IF THIS WAS A PITY PARTY NO ONE WOULD BE INVITED EXCEPT FOR ME. (AND THAT IS NOT THE CASE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!!!!)
My first prayer request is that if you should read this post between Saturday, June 27th, 2010 and early Tuesday morning June 29th 2010, I ask you to pray for me. I have about ten years of my life to write about/process and work through. (THE ONLY REASON WHY I AM DOING THIS IS BECAUSE GOD HAS CHOSEN IT TO HEAL MY LIFE IN VERY REAL WAYS!) Please pray for me, for the Lord to give me the strength and the COURAGE that I will need to press forward in the times that I am writing during those days...because it isn't easy.....I won't lie.
Secondly, I also earnestly ask prayer for my mentoring sessions this week especially----because again the mentoring part of working through and processing has reached a new level of grief and challenge for me. I meet with my mentor on Tuesday, June 29th, in the afternoon at 1:45 (Pray that God gives the time needed in that afternoon) and on Wednesday morning, June 30th, from 10:00 a.m. to noon. Pray for my mentor too--that God would give her wisdom and strength.....and the continued ears to truly graciously understand...truly listen.....and hear me. (God has been SO INCREDIBLY doing this, but we can just keep praying for it!)
Thank you for your prayers!! Even though it is hard at times, I am TRULY looking forward to even more healing and growth in my new relationship with God on the other side of it all, even though, in many ways, I will still be "in process" as we all are! I deeply cherish those of you that are standing behind me in all of this!
IN THE END IT IS ALL ABOUT JESUS!!!!!!!