I guess I don't quite know how to say everything that i am thinking at the moment. All I do know to say is that what you see REALLY IS What you get-no if's, and's or but's, about it, or anything else attached! This is the real me! What you see moment by moment and day by day REALLY IS what you get! It is where I am honestly at in that very moment-no mask-no hiding--no more--no more--no more!
I have to say that this process has truly started to enter the next level-(and I DO NOT SAY THIS BY ANY MEANS TO MAKE ANYONE THINK "POOR ME" OR ANY OTHER SELF-PITY-ISH (had to invent a word there)thing! So if you FIND yourself even being TEMPTED in the slightest way shape or form in any way I suggest you seriously with all love and firmness tell you to STOP IT AND "CUT IT OUT" right now.(If that is a little strong for some of you, I ask forgiveness, I just had to make myself very clear) But I just wanted to ask all of you to pray because things have indeed opened to a new and deeper level in this process---the level of grief.
Now all of that said, I just have to say what I am experiencing, while hard, I won't deny, at the same time is amazingly WONDERFUL!!! I kid you not, but DO YOU KNOW what it feels like to feel like you could just cry your eyes out and yet at the same time have such a sense of God's presence being there with you to comfort you that at the same time as you feel that you could just cry and cry, you feel HIS PEACE and JOY Wrapped around you and enveloping you at the same time? The depth of His love is there like you have NEVER EXPERIENCED!!! IT IS TRULY THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING I HAVE EVER KNOWN! And for those of you that get afraid of talking about me 'talking about experience because it doesn't appeal Biblical' for some reason, I just have to very gently and very lovingly say to you in all due respect that this is where I am at. I am not trying to over-emphasize my "experience" over the Word of God by ANY MEANS whatsoever. I can only say what He has done for me! IT IS SO BEAUTIFUL SIMPLY BECAUSE HE IS SO BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!
So I would appreciate your prayers as I grieve, but don't you dare ever for a moment feel sorry for me!
Maybe this Scripture sums up what has happened to me in a very real way the best.
So Jesus was saying to those Jews who had believed Him, "If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free." They answered Him, "We are Abraham's descendants and have never yet been enslaved to anyone; how is it that You say, 'You will become free'?"
Jesus answered them, "Truly, truly, I say to you,everyone who commits sin is the slave of sin."The slave does not remain in the house forever; the son does remain forever. "So if the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed."
JESUS HAS SET ME FREE FROM A LIFE OS SIN AND SLAVERY TO IT, AND AS HIS (DAUGHTER) I WILL REMAIN WITH HIM FOREVER!!! HE HAS MADE ME FREE AND I AM FREE INDEED! (Yes!!! My e-mail is finally being realized!) And ALONG THE WAY HE IS CONTINUING TO HEAL ME IN A VERY DEEP AND REAL WAY!!!!! To GOD Be the glory!!! ALL is to HIM ALONE!!!!!